When I purchased the domain for Anchors & Freedom I was 21 years old, sleeping on the floor of an apartment in Oceanside, California and in the midst of a text message affair with a guy everyone called Good Time Charlie.
I was too afraid to try surfing, despite the fact my Hotmail email was still Californiasurfangel69 (true story) and in between sun burning myself and sending tan-line pics, I wrote my very first blog post and hit publish.
I wrote about things like battling anxiety and the blues. I wrote about how to have better time management and how to become a morning person. I wrote about why we need to take better care of ourselves and how to overcome jealousy.
Of course, I didn’t know how to do any of these things, but I tried, and as I figured them out I was compelled to share them. Fake it ‘til you make it was my motto.
Over time, I became more authentic to my reality in my writing. I wrote about my personal life — boys, embarrassing moments, big mistakes, little successes — as both an outlet and a way to hopefully inspire people to get outside of their comfort zones and live wildly reckless and extremely fulfilling lives.
This blog — the Anchors & Freedom most of you started reading — lived for nearly six years. It lived until I didn’t need it anymore. Until it no longer fed me every time I hit publish. It lived until I no longer wanted to be Chelsea Handler, but wanted to be someone worthy of looking up to (no offense, Chelsea). It lived until it was no longer the wildly reckless existence I was after, but the search for enlightenment — for passion, joy, and even responsible abandon, at a stretch.
I came to a point in my life where it wasn’t the freedom of Jack Kerouac I was looking to attain anymore but the freedom of acceptance, of self-love, self-assurance and maintaining an authentic energy towards life.
I didn’t plan the shift — I just woke up one day and realized I was regretting more days than I was enjoying. You can only make so many irreversible mistakes before either going down or going up and I was as low down as I wanted to be in the elevator of my twenties.
I tried to climb out of that hole many times and I always fell right back in. Until one day, I just didn’t. I packed my bags, reintroduced myself to my faith and said, “You know what, I’m not this girl anymore.”
And it’s been the most amazing shit show ever since.
Of course, this is just an introduction. An introduction to both the end and a new beginning.
Anchors & Freedom is no longer. It has been no longer since I decided that life doesn’t only have to be about making mistakes. Life can be about success. Life can be about having it easy (Ish. Life is never really easy). Life can still be interesting if nothing is wrong. And while there will always be something hurting us, something annoying us, something trying to hold us back from being our best selves — those moments are not necessarily what need to inspire us.
The inspiration to live our biggest, boldest, most bad-ass-est lives doesn’t have to come from messing up. It can come from accepting that we are a divine people of a Universe so powerful there is nothing we can’t do. And on top of that, we don’t need to do any of it alone.
The sass is the same, the spirit is different (and if you hate it, all the old stuff is still here anyway.)
I most sincerely hope you are able to find what you’re looking for. You can still use me as your permission slip (I’m always happy to take the blame for a friend), but hopefully you won’t need to. Because life isn’t about finding the good in what we’re doing wrong, it’s about forgiving ourselves and moving on from it when we have.
Letting one chapter close and another begin is my way of walking that talk.
So, let’s go somewhere, shall we?
Kisses, Hugs & You’re Welcome