15 Things To Help Keep You Sane This Month


This morning I slammed the door of my apartment shut ten minutes past the time I said I had wanted to leave. It was totally my fault, I decided that this — this — was the morning for the first time since I was 6 I would sing Mary Had a Little Lamb while I was brushing my teeth to ensure the proper brush-to-bone duration.

I don’t even know if Mary Had a Little Lamb was the right song. I can never remember which one is for hand washing and which is for brushing, but either way, today was the day and I was late.

Then I left my phone upstairs (14 floors upstairs) and had to go all the way back up the molasses-slow elevator to get it after already walking 2 blocks to the car in really uncomfortable stilettos.

I’m not asking for pity. Anyone who publicly announces they were late for work because they were singing a nursery rhyme doesn’t deserve that. But I am saying that I totally hear you. Life is rough sometimes. The struggle is hashtag real. Especially in January, which is the most anti-climactic month ever once the first six days are out of the way.

So because I need a little therapy sometimes (read: all the time), and I like to think I’m not alone, I’ve compiled a list of things (mostly links) to keep us all sane this month. They range from wombats to NSFW, so you can take your pick. Rest assured, something will tickle your fancy and for one solitary second — I promise you — you’ll forget that you just bent over in a see-through dress at the soup kitchen.

15 // If you’re in dire need of technological encouragement:

This is actually some personal words of wisdom. Not professional therapy. In the past 6 months I have dropped my (brand new) iPhone 5C (because I was too cheap to get the 5 regular or whatever it’s called) in ONE bathtub and TWO toilets. Each time I’ve pulled it out it has fizzled and shown me a very colorful, pixelated Screen Of Death. Each time, mind you, after a cozy night on top of my floor board heater, it has fully recovered. Not a glitch in sight. So maybe it’s time we start thanking the technology we have instead of throwing it against a wall. Like Louis C.K. says, everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy.

Marie and apple

14 // If you’re playing a tiny violin because it’s cold and snowy outside:

Stop whining and put on your mittens already. This is the age of global warming, have you no gratitude? I get it, your hair is always static-y and your nose is red and your Sam Eldman boots have stains all over them because they salt the road and snow likes to melt into water and you decided not to buy the protective spray. You’re miserable. So pop on over to Yes and Yes to get your {FREE} copy of Sarah’s Ebook, 29 ways to actually enjoy winter. BUT ALSO, JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU’RE MISSING:

Get Out and Wander

13 // If you’re currently dating an asshole:

This Kiss Cam video will teach you how to properly rectify the situation. Note the classic Samantha Jones “Dirty Martini, Dirty Bastard” move — that step can never be forgotten.

12 // If you can’t afford Dr. Dre Beats but you really want to tune the world out:

Tune into this playlist on 8Tracks. Alternatively, invest in the app Headspace. It gives you ten days of guided meditations for free before giving you the option to subscribe to guided meditations for everything you could ever imagine. I like to do them on the bus. People think I’m sleeping. JOKES ON YOU, I’M BEING ZEN.

lavender dreams

11 //  If you’re homesick because you just got back to school/ the military/ your apartment after sleeping in your childhood room for three weeks:

My little brother was home on leave for the holidays and had to return to base just the other day so I asked him for his advice on missing home. Keep in mind he’s 20, and he once made the mistake of answering a commanding officer by saying “Yo!” . . .  so the extent to which you want to take this advice is up to you.

I like to think what it is that I’m doing and how cool it is. When I was traveling I would think I’m backpacking in Europe right now, eventually I’ll get home and tell everyone all about it! Or [at college]  I’m living the dream, or now [in the Armed Forces] I’m being brave by being a soldier. I try to think of being away as a super cool thing, or bad-ass, or exciting, where as being at home might be boring. [I also] realize wherever I am there are people with me who I’ve met who miss their homes too, so you’re never homesick alone. And also, getting drunk works too.

{sister’s note: getting drunk should not be the only advice you take from that. In fact, don’t take that part at all. Unless you’re still “living the dream” in college. Or Bridget Jones.}


10 // If you slept in your childhood room for three weeks because you still live there:

Might I suggest reading Kelly Williams Brown ‘s book Adulting? It’s awesome. Alternatively, if you’re still living at home because you’re saving up for something more important than rent, GOOD ON YOU — my parents turned my bedroom into their personal walk-in closet and en suite so I couldn’t do the same thing any more. I know it’s hard living at home sometimes. That’s why you need to make sure you sing this entire song (both parts) every morning in the shower to remind yourself why you’re still there. I give you permission to skip the first minute if musical theatre isn’t really your “thing.”

9 // If your Instagram is lacking Insta-ration:

There’s so much pressure to have a good Insta these days. Trust me. I like all my pictures to match and life just doesn’t work that way. That’s why my boyfriend started an Instagram account making fun of me (@therealbyAndriaParker). It’s not, really, it’s just behind the scenes, but he goes out of his way to always show the piles of dirty laundry surrounding my beautifully laid-out scenes. Hopefully this account doesn’t inspire you as much as help you to recognize that, once again, we didn’t wake up this way.

{Except for Taylor Swift. I’m convinced she wakes up this way even more frequently than Beyonce.}

Taylor Swift flawless

8 // If you’re worried about not looking your best after consuming 3 cow’s worth of brie:

Dude, don’t you know Lena Dunham? Haven’t you read anything on Gala Darling’s blog? You need to start loving yourself, LIKE NOW. Besides, Sarah Wilson is sharing the idea that not loving yourself enough might be the cause of all evil in our bodies to begin with. So stop moping, get naked, and shake what the brie gave you, baby.

7 // If you have run out of ideas:

You need to meet James Altucher’s blog. Not only did he write an article on this specific topic, but he’s quirky, and brilliant, and filled with statements that make you say “WTF? Oh. Wait. Yeah.” And those types of people are my favorite.



6 // If you’ve lost faith in humanity a little bit and want to make a teeny tiny difference:

Obviously the Kid President is the answer to anything like this. So his video “2o Things we should say more often” is (again, obviously) a spectacular place to start.

{& as my friend Meg suggested, instead of being angry people don’t ever say hello in the elevator . . . just start saying hello in the elevator. We’re all in this together, you know. It takes two to tango. Two wrongs will never — you get the point.}

5 // If you just graduated and you’re like . . . Holy BEEEEEEP:

Yeah, it’s scary. It’s scary as shit being graduated. And guess what? You’re going to be unemployed for a while (or at least under-employed). Use this time to spark a creative fire. Do the entire Course In Miracles, because never again in your life will you find the time. Start drawing stickmen and sell them on Etsy. Offer to be your dad’s entertainment lawyer. Go busking with just a tambourine. Find something (anything!) you love doing, even if it doesn’t pay you. You’ll kill time waiting on that starter-job and then have cushy comfort while moonlighting as a street mime.


4 // If you’re considering a big move:

Change is hard. New jobs are hard. New friends are hard to come by and they’ll never be the same as your old ones, but if you’re even thinking of moving . . . you need to move.

3 // If you’re still struggling with FOMO:

First of all, I don’t agree with Fear Of Missing Out at all. I agree that it exists, of course, but I don’t agree with it as an acronym. Just like I never believed in YOLO. That’s besides the point, though. If you’re still struggling with FOMO, you need to know you’re not alone. Jimmy Fallon struggles with it too. AND THAT STRUGGLE IS LEGIT, Y’ALL.

2 // If your heart was just broken:

Quick, come meet me for a beer or 6 at my place. We’ll put on Stevie Nicks and long flowing kimonos and light a bunch of candles and sing through it, knowing that if Stevie and Lindsay could do THIS later on in life and come out of it alive, that we can do the same.

{& yes, in this situation, getting drunk is just fine by me.}

Stevie and Lindsay

1 // If you just need general therapy:

Sometimes we can’t explain why we need a boost, but we do. So we look at pictures of cute kittens. Or cute wombats. Or we find a blogger who makes even our weirdest weirds seem totally normal. We make a sad trombone list, we turn to dark humour, we plan holidays, and sometimes, just sometimes, we turn on 1989 and dance. WILDLY.

Great Gatsby

So here’s to January — whatever it may bring you. May you be equipped to tackle it, slay it, slaughter it, grab it by the horns, enjoy it, and turn it into the start of your favorite year yet. Even if you’re sitting there wondering why you ever bother resolving to quit biting your nails when it’s only January 7th and you’re already back down to lil’ nubs.





Image Credits // 1. Wildfox Couture // 2. Here // 3. Brandon Eckroth // 4. Unknown // 5. The Little Red House // 6. Rolling Stone // 7. Time // 8. Unknown // 9. Rolling Stone, 1977 // 10. The Great Gatsby film

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